DEAR EMOTIONAL ABUSER
You know, it`s crazy how twisted life can be at times. And no, I am not angry at you; actually, I am grateful. Grateful that after you, I became the best version of myself, and I fall in love with me daily.
It just dawned on me, that there was never love! What I felt and thought was love was a manipulative, abusive emotional game. With you, I was a shadow of myself. By your side, I was only a mere subject who had no voice or opinion.
Why I stayed for so long, is still a mystery to me! I just can`t help it but wonder….why?
Why I still stayed when I was supposed to leave! Why I still loved when it hurt and when I couldn`t stand looking at myself in the mirror!
You had mastered the art of manipulation and I just couldn`t see it. I was always the `cheater` and you weren`t. Whenever you were in the wrong, you always found a way to turn it around and pin the blame on me. I was always the one starting the unnecessary `drama`. My opinion was nothing, how I perceived things was stupid and retarded.
You isolated me from the world, you monitored my every move. I have never experienced so much fear like I did with you.
But why? why did I stay?
My confidence…I no longer had the courage to do anything. Each time I decided to take up a new challenge…I could hear your voice at the back of my mind; “just let it go, you know too well you can`t do it, you`re not talented enough, you don`t even have the skills….so how will you do it?”
But thank God for exhaustion, because it saved me. I got tired and all I wanted was out. And I did. But it was not easy because I didn’t know where to start. I felt lost and confused but gradually I figured it out. The journey wasn`t easy though, but I am grateful. I didn`t realize how much I had learned from you until I became me again.
PS: It sounds crazy but I know this is a letter that so many of us wish and hope to write. But doesn`t it feel great to finally look back and smile even though back then it hurt? Not many of us realize they are in emotionally abusive relationships until they completely break down. It takes a strong person to stand again after they`ve fallen. It`s not an easy journey but at the end of it, it`s all worth it.
So, if you`re just getting started, smile because it`ll get better.